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It's All About Her: Surviving the Female Narcissist, by Lisa E. Scott
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Are you in a relationship with a woman obsessed with her image? Is she consumed with her needs to the exclusion of all others? Do you feel you can do nothing right in her eyes no matter what lengths you go to please her? Is it…ALL ABOUT HER…all the time? If so, you may be in a relationship with a female narcissist. “It’s All About Her” will help you understand the personality of a narcissist and why a relationship with someone like this will eventually drain, exhaust and confound you. It is hard to avoid the female narcissist in today’s modern culture. Narcissism is increasing just as fast as rates of obesity in America. Today’s youth are three times more narcissistic than their predecessors and a large percentage of this increase has been attributed to a greater number of narcissistic women. Not surprising when women who display haughty, arrogant, self-indulgent and child-like behavior are rewarded with their own television series (i.e. “The Kardashians” and “The Real Housewives”). Daughters who once would have been disciplined for spoiled conduct are now glamorizing such behavior on television. Reality TV has produced a generation of young girls who fill their rooms with “Princess” pillows and post “Selfies” of themselves on social media for validation of their self-worth. Underneath the flashy and intoxicating exterior of a narcissist is a fragile ego, which requires constant attention and validation. The implications this has on a relationship are far more damaging than one could ever imagine. Eventually, a narcissist will belittle, criticize, devalue and discard you. Narcissists are incapable of reciprocating love, which makes healthy relationships with them impossible. They are exhilarating and fun one moment and emotionally combative the next when they don’t get their way. While they appear caring in the beginning, eventually you realize, they have simply put on an act in order to win and secure your love. They seek out relationships only to ensure someone is always present to stroke their delicate ego. “It’s All About Her” offers first-hand personal accounts from numerous men who have fallen for the female narcissist and become ensnared in her trap. In addition, it explains the personality of a narcissist and offers Six Steps to help you break free and get off the “crazy-train” that a female narcissist creates in order to keep you hooked and forever catering to her needs. Visit us at www.ThePathForwardNow.com for additional support.
- Sales Rank: #859010 in Books
- Published on: 2014-01-26
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 9.00" h x .59" w x 6.00" l, .78 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 260 pages
About the Author
Lisa E. Scott is an Adjunct Professor of Organizational Psychology at Loyola University Chicago and a Human Resources representative for a global professional services firm. "It's All About Her" is her third book in a series of self-help books on the topic of narcissism in relationships. Visit her at: www.ThePathForwardNow.com, an online community of support for victims of narcissists.
Most helpful customer reviews
2 of 3 people found the following review helpful.
An eye-opener
By Steevie
Thanks to this book I really figured out the girl I was crazy about for 12 years. I admit the relation was an emotional roller coaster with very highs and unfortunately very lows. I never could find a way to work it out to build a stable, fulfilling relation. I wanted it to work because I was so crazy of her. Reading this book gave me the insight it would never work out with her, as she could only love herself. Friends and relatives told me a lot she was not good for me, but I wouldn't believe it until I read this book that almost exactly pinpointed her behavior. I wish I had read this book ten years ago, maybe my life would look a lot different now.
I'm now able to spot females that show similar behavior from meters away, I know they're no good for me neither.
2 of 3 people found the following review helpful.
great book
By I don't know what this means
I like all the advice and personal stories. It let me know that I was not an isolated case. That other men have fallen victim to the female predators out there.
10 of 16 people found the following review helpful.
Lots Of Interesting & Entertaining Personal Anecdotes But Lacks Any Intelligent Analysis.
By Fiona Ó Dochartaigh
The psychological theory and Scott's healing suggestions are very inadequate.The author of this book is not a mental health professional - this book will prove useful to you if you just want commiserations by way of first hand personal accounts from numerous men.The author makes some silly generalizations eg. "female narcissists use their physical assets to attract manipulate and control their victims" She then goes on to set up an victim/oppressor narrative "remember narcissists are not normal they don't think like we do they don't speak normally either".The self help strategies offered by this author are oversimplified and ineffective she suggests readers cry get in touch with their anger feel their feelings,listen to music get a massage etc. Also tbh I felt a few of the personal stories in this book came across as cases of 'she's just not that into you' and the label of narcissist was being misused.
[ALERT ~ Psychobabble here I go]
You need to fully understand your vulnerability to narcissists-if the main basis of your attraction to a woman is her ability to put you on a pedestal; glorifying your existence and making you feel like a god you need to take an honest look at yourself and the relationship dynamic because no psychologically healthy man would take to following a woman around like a puppy hopelessly hooked on trying get back the praise & adoration that was exhibited in the beginning of the relationship....egotistically hooked on riding on the wave of her flattery approval & over valuation of you.
This author suggests seeking Cognitive Behavioural Therapy.CBT with its here-and-now approach neglects deep lying brain systems.CBT is a skin deep therapy.Reclaiming personal history is an essential part of healing and CBT will therefore not be helpful to you.If you are a man attracted to narcissistic women its because subconsciously she reminds you of your mother.The narc woman and mainly the forceful intensity of her idealizing of you had the potential to be a reparative experience for you because its likely you lacked sufficient mirroring (by your mother) of your specialness and in terms of your brain wiring up in an optimum way this would have been developmentally traumatic.A boy's most important developmental period is his first five years & he gets his sense of self-esteem from his mother.The female narcissistic (without your conscious awareness) caused things to be triggered psychologically in you which could well have caused chemical changes resulting in the shifting of your psychological tectonic plates & actual realignment of your brain circuitry, stirring up an addiction to her and the neurological psychological health rewards (you mistakenly thought) she had on offer.When she later behaved insensitively by devaluing abusing you and generally treating you with contemptuous disregard it caused intense confusion mainly because she had linked into a very primal vulnerable part of your little boy psyche. Early love sculpts the brain and that very early trauma can alter the structure of the brain likewise the trauma from a re created re enacted primal scene with a narc female can seriously alter the structure of the brain.
[Psychological Re-enactment = The memories of the early traumatic experience are, nonverbal, and unintegrated. Over and over people find themselves in situations that recapitulate earlier trauma and lack awareness of how it happened and how to prevent it from happening again.The lack of awareness is due to the dissociative blockade that places the behavior out of the context of verbal and conscious control. Since words are not available to explain the experience, thinking cannot really occur. Under these circumstances, people will usually come up with explanations for their behavior, because the rational part of their mind is struggling to make sense of the situation. But without access to the forgotten material, the rational mind flounders helplessly, interpreting behavior in an overly simplistic way while he helplessly re-exposes himself to further trauma.]
Our subconscious makes us want to get a replica of our problematic parent so finally we can win their love/get the love we never got/resolve disappointments of childhood etc, we unconsciously seek out those who are familiar & resemble childhood caretakers, a computer-like program in our mind pushes us toward a repetition of the familiar.This woman will have a similar 'wounding' to you although she will be expressing it in a markedly different way.Women who are considered narcissists and men who are considered their victims both come from the same mentality of 'lack' which is why they are such a perfect match for each other.Ending up with a hurtful partner has everything to do with the subconscious mind,our subconscious mind (the one that is in charge of our instant biochemical attraction to someone)rules our emotions and works on a primal level only allowing us to become attracted to someone who fits it's definition of love.Your mind automatically links any associations you have with home, with what love is supposed to feel like, your subconscious compels you towards women who satisfy those associations you have with love. Your subconscious mind takes you back to your childhood home.So this is how it works, if love equals home and home equals a narcissist mother and (your) childhood unmet needs then love equals female narcissist and your unmet needs-these adult 'love' situations are just a reliving of the childhood relationship with your mother.
Men pursuing narcissistic women are seeking self worth,self-view gratification and recognition from the self centred female because they are damaged & driven by the belief 'you can give me what she didn't'.
There is also the issue of taking responsibility for having gotten involved with an abusive female,Scott allows the reader to take little to no responsibility for perpetuating his own abuse she flatters her reader & glosses over his co-dependence by calling him an 'empath' "if you are reading this book you are most likely an Empath you have an intense feeling of empathy and compassion for others it makes you feel good to take care of others".
I strongly disagree with her because imo men who are attracted to self obsessed women have a sickness, and the manifestations of it surface in a need to control they are deliberately allowing a woman to exploit them in the name of 'love'. Any man attracted to a narcissist has codependency issues a clear symptom of profound childhood psychological trauma. A narcissistic mother will teach her son that love is contingent more on what he does for her than who he is or what he wants.
The authors philosophy is... "nothing stands between you and your true self except the narcissist in your life".This is blatantly untrue because without a clear delineation of the problem it just re-emerges and he continues to be attracted to the same type of female over and over and over again.He keeps trying to stop it, but since he is not working at the actual foundational problem (early attachment trauma at the hands of his narcissistic mother)he can't.
I think its important to point out that this book runs the risk of encouraging an unhealthy mindset and splitting (Im OK youre NOT OK) - badness is directed at the opposing party that leaves the reader with undiluted good feelings no doubt producing a lovely cozy glow of superiority for example [page 149] "The narcissist recently got married & I was delighted to see that the narcissist had porked up and looked like a cross between Chaz Bono and Tony Soprano..honestly if I thought the narcissist could grow a soul.." Unfortunately cozy glows won't last though because they aren't realistic... after a period of time the other person cant help but see that they have faults too but it is a respite from having to face the reality that everyone has good and bad in them.Buy this book if you have a need to cloak yourself in protective shallowness and enjoy 'ain't she awful' stories written in a friendly gossipy style just don't expect any intelligent psychological depth.I would recommend this book to men who are highly sensitive and liable to feel emotionally hurt by realistic appraisals.
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